(written by Amber)

June 24th. This day always brings me back to the reality of death.

I sat brokenhearted and empty as I embraced the lifeless body of my beautiful newborn daughter, Olivianna Grace. Shattered dreams of a future relationship on earth that I would live without. Prayers answered differently than I had pleaded for. A human life that had absolutely no power of its own to resurrect itself. 11 minutes of life…and then physical death.

Although my heart was shattered into a thousand tiny pieces, there was one thing remaining in my spirit that I could not muster up on my own. It was HOPE.

It was hope in a savior who can and does bring beautiful things out of the darkest moments of our lives. It was His promise that He was with me, holding me, wiping away my tears. It was His promise that He has defeated death, and that His resurrection is my guarantee that one day, all who believe in Him, will be resurrected to a life of glory and peace. One day Jesus is coming again to end physical death and to usher in a new heaven and earth where there will be no dying, no tears, and no sorrow. (Rev 21:1-4) Oh what a glorious hope that is in this broken and death stained world.

When I think about how broken but full of hope I truly was, I think of the few billion people around the world who are broken but completely without hope. They are spiritually dead, separated from God and without the hope of eternal salvation. Many are spiritually dead because they have heard and rejected and many because they have never been given the opportunity to hear and respond. (There are still over 2 billion people who have never heard the good news of Jesus. Romans 10:14-15 “How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? And how can anyone preach unless they are sent? As it is written: How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!)

It is the good news of Jesus Christ, (the hope we have in Him) that can restore broken marriages, draw the prostitute from the streets, the gambler from the cards, the alcoholic from the bottle and the addict from the needle. It is the HOPE found in Jesus that comforts the parents who mourns the death of their child. The HOPE found in Jesus that heals the hearts of an unfaithful marriage. The HOPE found in Jesus that brings life and repentance to the man convicted of murder…and forgiveness and healing for those who were affected by that evil. It is Jesus who can and does make beauty from ashes, transforms lives and gives hope to the hopeless. This is the power of the resurrection!

This, my friends, is what motivates me to GO and to TELL and to LOVE and to LAY DOWN MY LIFE for the sake of the gospel. To share about eternal life with Christ and the new life NOW that Jesus offers. To build relationships with people who are hurting and sick and in need of love. By word and action sharing this truth that brings unbelievable joy and incredible hope.

Yes, I mourned deeply over Olivianna’s life. I still do. But I praise the Lord that He used her death to bring people to Himself. He used my pregnancy, her 11 minutes of life, and the last 7 years to stir in peoples hearts a desire to trust in Jesus. He promises in Romans 8:28, “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” Because I love Him,  He worked all these things out for good for His purposes (in His ways that I cannot understand…but that I trust).

And so as I remember this day, June 24th 2008, I am filled with the joy of the Lord and the hope of seeing my precious Olivianna Grace again. I am filled with a peace that surpasses all understanding as I rest in His purpose and plan to bring people to Himself. I am filled with motivation and determination to share this hope with others who have never been given the opportunity to hear the good news of Jesus Christ and how that good news changes EVERYTHING. I am filled with awe that He would have JJ Heller (singer/songwriter) write a song called “Olivianna” from the raw and unfiltered words of my blog …so that the voice that came from my deepest sorrow would be filled with hope and truth for parents all over the world walking through infant loss.

Because of this hope that Jesus gives, I can walk confidently (in His power) in obedience to Him.

Obedience to carry a baby that has only a 5% chance of survival.

Obedience to ask for forgiveness from my husband, friend or child when I have wronged them.

Obedience to step out in faith and move to Africa

Obedience to give of my time, my money and my talent to Jesus

Obedience to stand up for my faith, even if it costs my life….

Oh Lord, may I walk in radical risk-taking obedience because of your great love for me and because of the unexplainable joy I find when I say “YES!” Thank you for your holy spirit that is my help each day.

 

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Olivianna Grace: We miss you, love you and are so very thankful for your life. The Lord has used you to call us to a life of obedience and trust. And we thank Him for it!

To read our Olivianna blog, click HERE.

To hear “Olivianna” by JJ Heller, click HERE.

To purchase this song, click HERE.